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the acts and pages of

HOMESTUCK

a guide for fans of
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documented by

RAFE SALTMAN

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art and excerpts
from homestuck

  © 2009-2016  

ANDREW HUSSIE


Act 1

Act 2

Act 3

Int

Act 4

5–1

5–2

EOA5

6–1

6–2

6–3

6–4

6–5

6–6

Act 7


Part 1 log


Part 2 log


Part 3 log

Act 4 thumbnail

ACT 4

Flight of the Paradox Clones

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

first page 3258, February 9 2010 pages 631
last page 3888, June 11 2010 words in text 48 938
recaps 3574, April 15 2010
3888, June 11 2010
words in media 4150
adventure map checkpoints

Page 3258  Page 3307 Page 3354 Page 3404 Page 3456 Page 3500
Page 3568 Page 3597 Page 3652 Page 3701 Page 3751
Page 3765 Page 3790 Page 3802 Page 3822 Page 3840

SYNOPSIS
kids

Previously: John reached the First Gate above his house. Dave helped Rose enter the Medium. Jade entered the Mystic Ruins, finding a time capsule lotus which yielded Dave’s copies of Sburb. And the Aimless Renegade opened fire on the Peregrine Mendicant and Wayward Vagabond when they landed centuries later at those same ruins.

Taking the discs from the lotus flower, Jade drops some items which the Renegade later finds in the ruins. Then Bec returns Jade to her house. She installs the game, connects as Dave’s server player, falls asleep, and puts the impaled crow into his kernelsprite, creating a crowsprite.

The crowsprite steals Dave’s entry item, an egg, and makes a nest on top of his apartment building’s antenna tower. Unable to hasten Dave’s entry into the Medium, Jade helps him with alchemy instead, fitting the alchemizer with a number of upgrades.

John’s First Gate sends him down to the surface of his planet, LOWAS, the Land of Wind and Shade.

The worlds of a game session are located in the Incipisphere, which is like a solar system with Skaia at its centre. The innermost planet is the golden Prospit, whose moon periodically swings into the skies of Skaia. Next is the Medium, the band of space containing the kids’ planets. Each house gets its own planet and its own Seven Gates overhead. Outside the Medium is the Veil, an asteroid belt, and beyond that, the purple planet Derse, home to the black-shelled creatures that Nannasprite described as the forces of darkness. Dream Rose and Dream Dave live on Derse’s moon, which periodically faces out toward the infinite void known as the Furthest Ring.

John explores LOWAS. Urged on by the Peregrine Mendicant, he meets some friendly salamanders and uses their postal system to supply Dad with a fresh hat and to request his server copy back, which a zealous Authority Regulator confiscated from Dad’s wrecked car. A pack of terrible minions nearly defeat John. Jade’s Grandpa comes to his rescue and then leaves without a word.

Rose’s entry transports her house to another planet, LOLAR, the Land of Light and Rain. Rose’s Mom immediately wanders off. Rose fights her first minions and finds Jaspersprite, who challenges her to discover the meaning of her quest.

His meteor impact imminent, Dave loses patience and climbs the radio tower to get the egg back. He gets a pecking from the crowsprite and falls off. Dave’s Bro lands on the meteor and slices it in half with a katana while his rocket board breaks Dave’s fall. The egg cracks, ushering Dave into the Medium.

Around this time, the kids start getting trolled more often. The troll Terezi contacts John and offers to accelerate his quest by taking him straight to his denizen, Typheus. She leads John back to his house and turns his previous alchemy experiment into a functioning jetpack. John puts the jetpack on and blasts off toward his Seventh Gate.

At this point, events diverge into two distinct chronologies: one that reinforces its own existence through stable time loops, and one that doesn’t.

In the contradictory “doomed” timeline, Typheus slays John and Jade never gets into the Medium. Dave and Rose spend the next four months exploring their game session and determining that it is futile. Finally Dave travels back in time to visit his past self. Rose, who cannot go with him, goes to sleep in the hope that her awakened dreamself will in some way survive their dead-end timeline.

In the self-fulfilling “alpha” timeline, just when Dave has entered the Medium, bringing his apartment to LOHAC, the Land of Heat and Clockwork, Doomed Dave arrives from the future and alters the events that caused his doom. He sacrifices himself to the crowsprite, becoming Davesprite, and talks John out of meeting Typheus. John settles for flying to his Second Gate instead.

When the doomed Rose’s timeline ceases to exist, the alpha Rose inherits some of doomed Dream Rose’s memories. She falls asleep in her house and wakes on Derse’s moon for the first time. Like John, Rose now sees what she unconsciously wrote on her walls. It is Jaspers’ MEOW message, a genetic code.

John’s Second Gate takes him to LOLAR, where he crashes into Rose’s house and finds her asleep. Snooping around, John finds Rose’s unfinished present to him, a stuffed bunny with knitted patches. He also poses as Rose in reply to the troll Kanaya, tricking her into a marathon of flustered exchanges with Rose. Then he swaps pets with the sleeping girl and blasts off again.

Dream Rose visits Dream Dave, whose unconscious graffiti is of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff, and sees on his computer that John is at her house. Waking up too late to meet him, she alchemizes new weapons and vents her frustration on the gathering minions.

Dave wakes up and alchemizes stuff too while Dream Jade builds his house up. Some crafty snooping nets him Rose’s private journals, which contain the MEOW genome and a story about wizards. Dave puts them aside, using his juice-stained Sburb envelopes for bookmarks. Meanwhile, the Gods of the Furthest Ring tell Rose to burn her own copy of MEOW. She explains to Dave that as Derse dreamers, they hear voices from the infinite void instead of seeing visions in Skaia’s clouds.

The Draconian Dignitary, an agent of Derse, sneaks into Dave’s room and steals the journals. Dave returns to find the corpse of another Dave who got in the Dignitary’s way. From this he learns the importance of using stable time loops instead of trying to change what has happened.

Sometime later, Dave reaches his first gate while Rose destroys hers.

babies

The kids’ guardians have also been wandering the Medium. John’s Dad returns from Derse to LOWAS, receives a fresh hat, and encounters Jade’s Grandpa, who carries the Sassacre’s book that Nannasprite dropped. They find a portal and leave LOWAS. The pony Maplehoof follows Rose’s Mom through a similar portal on LOLAR. Bro’s rocket board ends up flying by itself over Derse’s moon, where it catches the falling Lil’ Cal puppet that Dream Rose tossed out of Dream Dave’s tower. The Authority Regulator who plundered Dad’s car follows Lil’ Cal through a similar portal on Derse. Bro himself is awaiting a duel with Jack Noir on LOHAC.

Grandpa, Dad, Mom, and the Regulator all transportalize to the same place, a laboratory where chess piece creatures are made. The lab is embedded in an asteroid in the Veil. John finds the portal from LOLAR to the lab soon after, but by that time the others have departed. The Regulator has taken the rocket board and is flying around the Veil. The guardians are piloting a ship towards Skaia, having left behind Maplehoof and a variety of objects for John to find.

John discovers that the laboratory is equipped to do ectobiology. Ectobiology is the practice of collecting genetic samples by “paradoxifying” targets that cannot be appearified. The samples can be used to make clones and can be combined to create descendants.

The lab equipment has been set to paradoxify four people from four different spacetime coordinates on Earth. John sees Nanna, Grandpa, Bro, and Mom on the monitor and appearifies genetic samples from each one in turn. After all their genomes are collected in the form of spooky time slime, the machine gets to work creating clone babies of each one. It also combines Nanna’s sample with Grandpa’s and Bro’s sample with Mom’s, producing a baby son and daughter from each pair.

While John’s ectobiological creations crawl around and attach themselves to the objects lying around the lab, the troll Karkat contacts John and explains what he learned from doing the same thing in the troll session. The four clone babies are destined to leave the timeless Medium, fall to Earth, and grow up to be the people they were cloned from. Their four descendants will also go to Earth and grow up to be John, Rose, Dave, and Jade.

Karkat also warns John that an event called the Reckoning will happen too soon in John’s session due to Archagent Jack Noir’s meddling and that the kids will fail and die when Noir becomes too powerful. John has no time to worry about any of that. He is too busy handing out stuffed bunnies in a touching reënactment of Con Air.

When he is done, every baby has bonded with something in the lab:

  • Baby John has the Sassacre’s book;
  • Baby Rose has the soiled bunny from Con Air;
  • Baby Dave has Maplehoof the pony;
  • Baby Jade has the bunny with knitted patches that John found in Rose’s room;
  • Baby Nanna has Dad’s soiled hat;
  • Baby Grandpa has Grandpa’s flintlock pistols;
  • Baby Mom has the mutant kitten;
  • Baby Bro has Lil’ Cal the puppet.

On the verge of the Reckoning, these babies and their companion objects and animals are transportalized out of the lab and onto eight neighbouring meteors.

Then the Reckoning starts, triggered by a series of events that began when Rose dropped John’s Dad’s car through the clouds.

agents

Among the chess piece creatures that serve the kingdoms of Prospit and Derse, there are many Agents doing jobs throughout the Incipisphere. Among them are a Parcel Mistress, an Authority Regulator, a Warweary Villein, and four high-ranking Dersites cast in the same mold as the Midnight Crew.

A Parcel Mistress from Prospit is on LOWAS, looking for a green box Dream Jade asked her to find and deliver to John. Jade knew from her cloud visions that it would be lost inside the plummeting car and would only reach him later, when he is in great peril.

The Mistress discovers an enemy Authority Regulator taking two parcels from the wrecked car. One is the green box and the other is an envelope that John has requested. She greets the Regulator and asks for both parcels. He gives her the Sburb server envelope, which she immediately consigns to the Breeze. He keeps the contraband box for his superiors. Determined to get the box back, she follows him to Derse.

After a chance encounter with the Black Queen, who wears a ring giving her the powers of the prototyped kernels, the Mistress finds the box on the desk of Archagent Jack Noir (who looks like Spades Slick). Noir drives a hard bargain: she must bring him the crowns of the White King and Queen. He sends her away with a treasonous mission and a Regisword.

His curiosity piqued, Noir looks in the box and discovers the perfect weapon to kill the Black Queen, who is constantly forcing him into foolish clothes. He destroys her utterly, takes her Ring of Orbs Fourfold, and gains its harlequin-jaspers-tentacle-crow powers.

Returning to Prospit, the Parcel Mistress relates her predicament to the White Queen, who has the same kind of ring. The Queen chooses to abdicate so that the Mistress can fulfill the bargain with Noir. She gives the Mistress her ring and crown and tells her to find the White King on the Battlefield to get his crown too.

The Courtyard Droll (who looks like Clubs Deuce) has tailed the Mistress from Derse. He picks her pocket, stealing the ring that was just entrusted to her. She boards a shuttle and flies off to the Battlefield still believing she has it.

Dream Jade notices, beats up the Droll, and takes the ring. It has no power for her, but she puts it on for safekeeping before returning to Dream John’s tower. Playing Sburb with the help of her soon-to-explode dreambot, she stays awake—asleep on Earth—to be around for Dream John’s awakening.

skaia

Prospit and Derse fight their war on the Battlefield at the centre of Skaia, another element of the Incipisphere that evolves in response to kernel prototypings, growing from a simple chessboard into a planet dotted with farms and castles. One of these farms is tended by the black-shelled Warweary Villein, who despises the eternal war.

When his farm is torched, the Villein snaps and launches a rebellion against both kingdoms, rallying white and black carapacians to his cause. Together they march on the Black King and are about to confront him when Jack Noir arrives. Noir now styles himself the Sovereign Slayer. He has flown to Skaia to complete his stone cold coup d’état by breaking the Black King’s scepter and beheading him. Then he massacres the rebels, sparing only the Villein, and begins to devastate the Battlefield with some super deadly red shit.

Elsewhere on the board, the White King greets the Parcel Mistress and surrenders his crown and scepter to her. The lurking Hegemonic Brute (who looks like Hearts Boxcars) ambushes them, knocking the scepter out of the Mistress’s hand and over a waterfall.

The Droll finds the white scepter and brings it to Noir, who uses it to initiate the Reckoning, a process that propels meteors out of the Veil and towards Skaia. Skaia throws up defense portals to intercept these meteors and send them to Earth instead. Each portal is connected to a different moment in Earth’s history. Most of the Veil’s meteors fly through these portals and are sent crashing into the houses and surroundings of Sburb players on Earth. The ones carrying Agents are sent to later times, while the ones carrying babies are sent to earlier times so that they can grow up, participate in Sburb, and contribute to their own creation. (This is why John’s premature death caused a doomed timeline. The babies had to come from somewhere.)

The Authority Regulator, on his wild ride through the Veil, discovers a meteor with a frog temple on it, an intact version of the ruins on Jade’s island. Its raniform iconography is hateful to Derse. Looking for a perp, the Regulator enters the mystic temple, finding an empty time capsule and another ectobiology lab. This lab’s monitor shows two unaccountable freaks arriving on Earth by meteor and unintentionally killing Colonel Sassacre. The Colonel’s widow Betty Crocker raises the pair as brother and sister, and they grow up to be Nanna Egbert and Grandpa Harley. The monitor has targeted their dog, Halley, for paradoxification.

The Draconian Dignitary (who looks like Diamonds Droog) enters the temple lab carrying the journals he stole from Dave’s apartment. The Regulator hides and watches. The Dignitary casts Dave’s juice-stained bookmarks into the time capsule, which stores them for release four hundred million years later, and moves on to the lab’s ectobiology station, which is set to make an organism by combining Halley’s genome with a genetic code to be input by the user. The Dignitary inputs Rose’s MEOW code and Becquerel is born.

The Regulator flees the temple and returns to John’s meteor. He finds the boy asleep as the meteor plummets out of the Veil and the transportalizers break. To get John safely off the rock, the Regulator ties him to the rocket board and sends him flying back to his land. With no escape for himself, the Regulator rides the meteor to Earth.

The Sovereign Slayer flies up from the Battlefield and hits Prospit with the deadly Red Miles. The White Queen escapes on a ship and heads for a Skaian defense portal. Noir severs the chain of Prospit’s moon, sending Dream Jade and Dream John plummeting into Skaia amid the wreckage of their golden world. Dream Jade tries desperately to wake Dream John. At the last moment, she throws him to safety and perishes in the impact. He wakes on the Battlefield and takes the Ring of Orbs Fourfold from her body.

The Parcel Mistress slays the Hegemonic Brute with her Regisword and uses his radio to summon Noir. They complete their bargain by exchanging the white crowns for the green box, which she takes straight to Dream John.

In the box, Dream John finds a gift from Jade as well as letters from her and a penpal who helped her build the thing. It is a robot made from the knitted bunny plush that John gave to Baby Jade. It holds an assortment of miniature legendary weapons. When Jack Noir returns for the ring, the bunny defends Dream John and makes Noir back off.

Grandpa lets Mom and Dad off on the Battlefield, finds and taxidermizes Dream Jade’s body, and returns to his island home on pre-Reckoning Earth. He lives the rest of his days raising little Jade. Dream Jade’s mounted body sits in his disused lab with another trophy from his expedition to the Medium, a Fourth Wall that he stole from Noir’s office. When it is on, this wall is linked to Andrew Hussie’s apartment, and Hussie uses it to deliver two recaps of Homestuck covering everything through Act 4.

exiles

The White Queen goes to Earth, arriving in the post-Reckoning wasteland. Having abdicated, she is now a Windswept Questant. She finds an eggy-looking command station, enters, and speaks to Rose.

All of the Exiles are in fact Agents sent to Earth through defense portals. The Warweary Villein becomes the Wayward Vagabond, the Parcel Mistress becomes the Peregrine Mendicant, and the Authority Regulator becomes the Aimless Renegade, who has been shooting at the other two since their arrival at the ruins.

Seeing the Vagabond’s Bec-head pumpkin, the Renegade remembers Becquerel’s violent birth. He stops shooting and surrenders. The Mendicant is angered but spares him. They make peace and eat as the sun sets on their camp. The Vagabond shows the Mendicant his command station and John’s monitor. She teaches John to use the salamanders’ Pyxis postal system while the two men rebuild Can Town and Bullet Militia.

The Windswept Questant arrives at the ruins in her egg station. Her appearance flusters the other exiles. The Vagabond and Renegade fashion a crown from mailboxes and offer it to the Questant, but she declines and puts the crown on another exile for fulfilling her royal duty. The Peregrine Mendicant is coronated the Prospitian Monarch.

Finally, the Wayward Vagabond reveals that he has been secretly guarding a Ring of Orbs Fourfold.

ACT 4 BY DATE POSTED
datepagescenes and eventsadventure log
February 9 2010 3258

ACT 4.

Minigame 4: LAND OF WIND AND SHADE.

John explores his Land and meets some friendly salamanders.

[S] ACT 4 ==>

February 11 2010 3259

The Renegade shoots more rockets, then surrenders when he sees the Bec-head pumpkin.

Jade takes the juice-stained betas and switches to a Pictionary fetch modus.

In a future settled askance of the present...

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In the mystic ruins of an era pre-desecration...

Jade: Take the discs.

Jade: Switch to Jenga modus.

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Jade: Switch to Pictionary modus.

Jade: Try out new Pictionary modus.

February 12 2010 3274

Jade tries out the drawing modus. Bec finds her and returns her to the house.

Jade: Draw Lunchtop.

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Jade: Captchalogue the beta.

Jade: Quick! Random scribbling!

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Jade: Draw a pumpkin.

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Jade: Get the rest of your items.

Jade: Captchalogue bass on card with Dutton ghost image.

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February 13 2010 3289

Jade installs Sburb and pesters the boys about it.

Dave pesters Rose about cozies.

Jade: Install Beta.

Jade: Pester chums.

John: Pester Rose.

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Dave: Pester Rose.

February 14 2010 3294

Karkat trolls John about getting Jade to talk to him.

The Vagabond shares rations with his new friends.

John: Answer troll.

John: Search for your father's car.

WV: Settle this dispute in a rational, diplomatic manner.

February 15 2010 3297

Jade connects to Dave and starts deploying his alchemy gear.

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Jade: Deploy alchemiter.

Jade: Deploy cruxtruder in Dave's room.

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February 16 2010 3301

Rose pesters Dave about the efficiency of girls.

Jade makes a mess in his bathroom.

Jade: Move Dave's bed to the roof.

Jade: Deploy the cruxtruder in its place.

Jade: Replace television with totem lathe.

Jade: Organize Dave's puppets.

Jade: Tidy up Strider's apartment a little.

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February 17 2010 3307

Cinematic 31: LAND OF LIGHT AND RAIN.

[S] ==>

February 18 2010 3308

The Renegade retrieves the refrigerator and cookalizer.

The Vagabond introduces the Mendicant to John. She in turn introduces John to the Pyxis system.

John asks Nannasprite about the Seven Gates.

AR: Cautiously drink TAB.

AR: Retrieve mysterious artifacts from ruins.

WV: Introduce new friends to John.

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I am told your name is John. Is that correct?

It's nice to meet you, John.

Ok, John. Let's explore this place!

This is great! Something is in there. Take a look.

There is nothing inside. Should we put something in?

This one's empty. Perhaps a delivery is in order?

Introduce yourself to the local amphibious fauna.

Y

Hooray! This one contains a prize!

Open it! Open it!!!

How exciting! A parcel for you. Retrieve it!

Converse.

A good place to keep lookout?

February 19 2010 3330

Who is this voice in Rose’s head?

John finds some baddies terrorizing a salamander village.

Seer.

Seer, can you hear me?

Have a look around, Rose.

You have much to discover.

John: Go over the river and through the woods.

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February 20 2010 3336

Jade falls asleep, releases Dave’s kernelsprite, and puts the impaled crow in it.

Dave contemplates pranking John with pee juice.

Jade: Drop the toilet in Dave's room.

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Dave: Use now empty apple juice bottle as pee receptacle.

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Dave: Kick that puppet out of the shower.

Jade: Retrieve Dave's copy of Sburb and the impaled crow.

Jade: Put something weird in the seizure kernel.

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February 21 2010 3348

Dave tricks Jade into waking herself with a Robo Slap.

The Renegade makes a fire and gives the Mendicant a Squiddle.

Jade: Wake up.

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AR: Use gunpowder and empty crates to make a campfire.

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AR: Win over that fine carapace in grey.

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February 22 2010 3354

The squiddle recalls to the Mendicant her old encounter with the Renegade, when he was an Authority Regulator and she was a Parcel Mistress.

The minions get the best of John.

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So many years ago, entrenched in the temporally oblique...

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AR?: Surround the scene with caution tape.

AR?: Write the owner of this vehicle a ticket.

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John: Activate ghost gloves.

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February 23 2010 3365

A moustachioed gunman rescues John and wanders off without a word.

The spirograph reminds the Mendicant of her delivery duties.

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WV, PM, AR: Stargaze.

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PM?: Retrieve package.

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February 24 2010 3378

The Regulator gives the Mistress the Sburb copy but keeps the green package for his superiors.

John discovers to his dismay that shaving cream is flammable. A windy thing puts out the fire.

PM?: Ready sword.

AR?: Doff your hat to the attractive female.

PM?: Retrieve both parcels.

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John: Chase the man, you want your book!

John: Save the lizards!

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February 25 2010 3389

The Mendicant asks John to carve a Pyxis request.

A Windswept Questant asks Rose to explore her land and find her sprite.

John, the uncarved tablet you retrieved.

Great! I would like you to carve something on it.

Rose, find your sprite.

Your deceased pet.

Is it not why you are here?

Follow them.

Examine your pet's tomb.

Enter.

February 26 2010 3397

Rose discovers that Mom has sailed away.

The Renegade and the Vagabond play Exile Town and oh my god EGG!

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A mother will do whatever is best for her children.

WV: Become the mayor of Exile Town.

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WV: Fondly regard desert night.

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February 27 2010 3404

Dave alchemizes his pre-punched item, a cruxite egg. His crow sprite swoops down and carries the egg away to its roof-shit nest.

Jade puts the kibosh on Dave’s self-indulgent microwave nonsense.

Jade: Give Dave punch card of an eggy loking thign [sic].

Dave: Pester Jade.

Dave: Make the world's largest omlette.

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February 28 2010 3409

Jade adds a jumper block extension to Dave’s alchemiter. To upgrade it they need shale for a Punch Designix to punch cards for the shunts.

Dave installs gristTorrent.

Rose battles her first minions.

Jade: Deploy Punch Designix.

Jade: Check unknown objects.

Jade: Deploy green and white compact disc.

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Jade: Deploy circuit board looking thingy.

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Jade: Attempt to deploy catchalogue disk drive.

Dave: Insert card with the CD on the slot.

Dave: Insert disc into computer.

Dave: Install software.

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March 1 2010 3421

Rose acquires chalk.

Dave leeches John’s grist.

Dave: Illegally pirate some of John's shale.

Dave: Download a bunch of grist from John. He has plenty.

March 2 2010 3423

John and Rose compare lands.

Terezi trolls Rose about coöperation.

Months prior: Karkat trolls Jade, Jade hears from her penpal, and Terezi trolls John.

You guide the Heir. Consult with him.

Who is this bothering you?

Meanwhile, the past pulls a mean double reacharound...

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March 3 2010 3431

The Mistress follows the Regulator to Derse.

PM?: Follow the agent.

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March 4 2010 3433

The Black Queen sends the Mistress to see Jack.

The Questant gets out of Rose’s head and emerges from the egg station.

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Rose, I must leave now.

This is the last you will hear from me.

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Rose: Sip martini thoughtfully.

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Fourth Exile: Suddenly appear.

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PM: Command John to put the carved tablet into a pyxis.

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March 5 2010 3448

Jack offers the green box in exchange for Prospit’s crowns, sending the Mistress on her way with a Regisword and a hit list.

PM?: Locate the Archagent.

PM?: Grab the box and run!

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March 6 2010 3455

Dave and Jade tinker with jumper block upgrades, briefly rendering the alchemiter useless.

Jack: Examine package.

Jack: Open it.

Dave: Punch some cards.

Dave: Put a punched card in a shunt.

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Dave: Use a punched Gamebro Magazine card.

Jade: Draw the punch designix.

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Jade: Send the code to Dave.

Dave: Punch code and put it in the jumper shunty thing.

March 7 2010 3465

They consolidate Dave’s alchemy devices, cutting out the shunt and cruxite intermediaries. Jade’s modus foils her attempt to deploy the captcha reader.

Jade: Draw the holopad.

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Dave: Upgrade alchemiter with holopad.

Jade: Draw the totem lathe.

Jade: Draw the jumper block.

Dave: Upgrade.

Jade: Draw the intellibeam laserstation.

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March 9 2010 3473

Dave creates an enlarger upgrade.

Dave: Captchalogue enlarger.

Dave: Upgrade.

Jade: Draw air conditioner on roof.

Dave: Make air conditioner unit.

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March 10 2010 3478

Terezi trolls John about shortcuts.

John: Find the car.

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March 11 2010 3482

Rose goes home and rides an ogre down the falls. Dave pesters her for grist.

Rose: Strife.

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Rose: Knit the scarf. Ride the ogre.

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Rose: Answer Dave.

March 17 2010 3489

Kanaya trolls Dave for the scoop on Rose.

Tavros trolls Rose for the dope on Dave.

Dave: Answer troll.

Rose: Answer troll.

March 18 2010 3491

Kanaya trolls Rose about rigging temporal inevitability.

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Rose: Answer troll.

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March 20 2010 3494

Tavros trolls Dave about getting mad hornographic.

John flurps out of a shortcut.

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Dave: Answer troll.

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John: Take shortcut.

March 21 2010 3498

John reënacts a sentimental scene with a dirty little bunny with a heart of gold. Karkat trolls him about cinema.

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John: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter.

John: Give dear sweet Casey the bunny.

John: Surrender to overwhelming emotions.

John: Answer CG.

March 22 2010 3504

Terezi trolls John about facing his Denizen. John enters a node returning him to his house.

John: Answer GC.

John: Turn around.

John: Examine gate.

John: Hop in.

March 23 2010 3508

The Vagabond and the Renegade make a crown for the Questant, to the Mendicant’s astonishment.

WV, AR: Prepare gift for the WQ.

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March 24 2010 3512

The Mendicant remembers the White Queen, who gave her a royal duty that is now fulfilled.

The Questant coronates the Mendicant.

Meanwhile, in a long discarded memory...

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March 26 2010 3523

Rose finds Jaspersprite, who tells her about playing the rain.

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Rose: Consult with Jaspersprite.

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March 27 2010 3527

Rose pesters Dream Jade about her dream self.

Rose: Pester Jade.

Rose: Pester Dave.

==>

==>

March 28 2010 3531

Dave climbs towards the bird sprite’s roof-shit nest. A meteor looms.

==>

==>

March 29 2010 3533

Terezi trolls John about his rocket pack with random crap stuck inside it.

John: Await further instruction.

John: Captchalogue rocket pack.

March 30 2010 3535

John makes an unadulterated rocket pack.

==>

John: Make rocket pack.

March 31 2010 3537

Dave, having entered, pesters John about the bird sprite’s second prototyping.

John blasts off to the Seventh Gate.

John: Answer Dave.

John: Captchalogue Casey.

John: Blast off.

==>

April 1 2010 3541

Cinematic 32: LAND OF HEAT AND CLOCKWORK.

[S] Dave: Accelerate.

April 2 2010 3542

In a future bereft of John and Jade, Dave loses patience with the ghastly Calsprite. He pesters Rose one last time before traveling back in time to reverse the outcome.

Dave: Consult with Calsprite.

Dave: Pester Rose.

Dave: Reverse.

April 3 2010 3545

Future Dave arrives at the scene of his entry moments before things went to shit. After doing his best to dissuade John, he drops his loot for current Dave and dumps himself into the crow sprite, becoming Davesprite.

Future Rose’s timeline expires, imprinting her dream self onto her past self.

Cinematic 33: ROSE SLEEPS.

Davesprite trolls Terezi about impressionable doofs.

==>

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Rose: Pester Dave.

Rose: Prepare for nap.

Future Dream Rose: Cease to exist.

[S] ==>

Davesprite: Troll GC.

April 4 2010 3558

Dave chills with Davesprite.

John remembers Dave’s birthday note and reconsiders.

Davesprite: Chill with Dave.

==>

Meanwhile, hundreds of pages ago...

==>

so hey

==>

==>

==>

April 5 2010 3566

Dave pesters John about trust.

Karkat trolls John about mistakes, friendship, and the Veil.

John: Get pestered by Dave.

John: Get trolled by CG.

April 13 2010 3568

Cinematic 34: DERSE.

The Black Queen inflicts the dress code on Jack Noir. He rips off the motley costume, leaving only a tattered collar.

Dream Rose wakes and deciphers the MEOW code written on her walls.

The kids’ Guardians blaze their own trails through the Medium.

Using the contents of the green box, Jack slays the Queen and puts on her ring, becoming the Sovereign Slayer.

End of Year One.

[S] Jack: Ascend.

April 15 2010 3569

We use the fourth wall stolen from Jack’s office to intrude on the author of Homestuck.

Recap 1: THE FIRST YEAR OF HOMESTUCK.

John; the beta; the bunny; punch card alchemy; John’s entry; the kernelsprite; Nannasprite; Rose; the lab; paradox slime; Dave; Rose’s entry; the cork station; Wayward Vagabond; Peregrine Mendicant; Aimless Renegade; Jade; cloud visions; Prospit dreamers; John’s gifts; little Jade’s birthday; Parcel Mistress; Dad; Derse; abdication; Exile Town; coronation; LOWAS; denizens; destiny; deviation; fateful mistakes; trolls; Trollian; their chumhandles; the Midnight Crew; CG; Jade’s reticence; GA and AT; GC; Windswept Questant; Jaspersprite; Derse dreamers; the doomed timeline; the Mystic Ruins; the crow’s nest; Dave’s entry; John’s flight; the dead end; Davesprite; Rose’s waking; Jack Noir; the Ring of Orbs Fourfold; the fourth wall.

Locate fourth wall.

Activate.

AH: Engage in highly indulgent self-insertion into story.

AH: Examine wall.

AH: Forget it. Go back to work.

AH: Recap first year of Homestuck.

AH: I didn't read any of that. Do something less boring.

AH: Retrieve arm from background.

AH: Why don't you keep drawing Homestuck or something.

Ok. ==>

AH: This is stupid. Stop being a wiseass and get drawing.

AH: Can you show us what's going on with John again?

AH: That sounds like a good idea.

Switch wall's view to show us what's going on with John.

==>

April 16 2010 3584

PSEUDOGAME 12: Google LOWAS.

Terezi sends John to his second gate.

John: Answer GC.

John: Open map.

John: Proceed to the second gate.

April 17 2010 3587

John rockets through the gate and crashes into Rose’s house on LOLAR. He finds her sleeping.

Davesprite pesters John about the network of gates.

Dave pesters John to snoop on Rose’s notebooks.

John: Enter.

==>

==>

==>

John: Get up.

John: Answer Dave.

John: Snoop.

John: Pick up books.

Dave: Zoom in.

April 18 2010 3596

Dream Rose greets Dream Dave.

John finds This Ocean Charles.

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

John: Check Rose's bookshelf.

John: Look at a book.

April 19 2010 3607

John opens Rose’s unfinished present to him. It is a grubby bunny half-covered in knitted patchwork.

John: Take book.

John: Oh, just open the package already.

==>

John,

April 20 2010 3611

John leaves Casey with Rose. Kanaya trolls Rose but John answers, pretending to be her.

John: Put the bunny back in the box.

John: Take box.

John: Deploy beloved daughter.

John: Answer troll.

April 21 2010 3615

Kanaya bugs Sollux to turn on her viewport.

Pseudogame 13: PROFESSIONALISM.

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

[S] Rose and Dave: Shut up and jam.

April 22 2010 3621

Dream Rose tosses Lil’ Cal out of Dave’s tower.

Maplehoof follows Mom into some turtle ruins and through a transportalizer.

The breeze delivers a fresh hat to Dad, who follows Grandpa into some salamander ruins and through a transportalizer.

==>

==>

Rose: First, be the pony. Second, follow Mom.

Maplehoof: Enter.

Maplehoof: Follow scent.

Maplehoof: Collect grist.

Maplehoof: Proceed.

==>

John: First, be the hat. Second, find dad.

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==>

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==>

April 23 2010 3637

John makes Hephaestus’s hammer on Rose’s alchemiter and pesters Davesprite about its origin.

Sollux opens Kanaya’s viewport.

Rose wakes up and walks right into John’s gushers prank.

John: Visit Rose's alchemiter.

John: Make item.

John: Shrink it down.

John: Pester Davesprite.

Rose: Check out Dave's computer.

==>

==>

TA: Fix GA's computer.

==>

==>

Rose: Examine laptop.

Rose: Go find John.

Rose: Proceed through door uneventfully.

April 24 2010 3650

John blasts off with Mutini/Meowgon. Rose adopts Casey/Viceroy.

John: Equip trusty rocket.

==>

John: Blast off.

==>

==>

April 25 2010 3655

Lil’ Cal lands on a rocket board. The Regulator follows him through a transportalizer.

John enters the turtle ruins and uses the transportalizer.

Dave: Be the puppet.

==>

==>

==>

AR?: Follow.

John: Explore.

==>

John: Investigate.

John: Enter.

John: Aggress.

John: Collect spoils.

John: Proceed.

April 26 2010 3667

John enters a laboratory in the Veil. He finds some stuff the guardians left behind and some of the carapacian breeding apparatus.

==>

==>

==>

John: Explore lab.

John: Explore lab further.

John: Who cares, just ride the pony already.

==>

April 27 2010 3674

John dons a lab suit and takes the controls.

The Regulator rides the rocket board out into the veil.

John: But seriously, keep exploring.

John: Put it on.

John: Examine nearby station.

AR?: Resist urge to ride bro's rocket board.

AR?: Pop a fucking wheelie.

April 28 2010 3679

The Courtyard Droll follows the Mistress to Prospit and picks her pocket, taking the White Queen’s ring.

==>

PM?: Prepare to depart for battlefield.

==>

==>

==>

==>

CD?: Pick PM?'s pocket.

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PM?: Depart.

==>

April 29 2010 3689

Dream Jade clobbers the Droll and recovers the ring too late to return it to the Mistress.

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May 4 2010 3700

Cinematic 35: THE BATTLEFIELD.

After three kernel hatchings, the Battlefield is a fertile globe on which Prospit and Derse wage total war. Angered when his farm is destroyed, Warweary Villein incites a rebellion of pawns from both sides.

The Mistress lands and discovers the ring is missing. The White King gives her his scepter, but the Hegemonic Brute attacks and knocks it away.

Jack Noir flies to the scene of the rebel army confronting the Black King, slays the King, and takes his crown.

Meanwhile, in a Timeless Expanse...

[S] WV?: Rise up.

May 6 2010 3702

Rose alchemizes sweet loot.

Rose: Alchemize a whole bunch of cool stuff.

Rose: Combine hub and laptop.

Rose: Combine bronzed vacuum and umbrella.

Rose: Combine salamander and eldritch plush.

Rose: Combine ink bottle and Gushers.

Rose: Combine hubtop and hair band.

Rose: Combine magnetic W and bottle of vodka.

Rose: Combine wizard statue and ball of yarn.

Rose: Combine wizard statue and knitting needles.

Rose: Combine knittings and velvet pillow and squiddle shirt

Rose: Combine needlewands and grimoire.

==>

==>

Rose: Aggrieve encroaching malefactors.

==>

May 11 2010 3717

Dream Jade builds up Dave’s house.

Jade: Build.

==>

==>

May 12 2010 3720

Dave alchemizes way sweet loot.

Dave: Wake up and jam.

Dave: Combine sunglasses and iPhone.

Dave: Combine timetables and computer.

Dave: Combine puppet tux + smuppet.

Dave: Combine broken Caledscratch and ruby contraband.

Dave: Preview item with holopad.

Dave: Combine whole Caledscratch and ruby contraband.

Dave: Combine shitty sword and Hella Jeff drawing.

Dave: Combine Snoop Dogg photo and mini A/C and Caledscratch

May 13 2010 3729

Dave alchemizes the sweetest loot.

Dave: Combine skateboard and Hella Jeff drawing.

==>

Dave: Make another one.

Dave: Combine Gamebro Magazine and timetables.

Dave: Combine batarang + Midnight Crew poster.

Dave: Combine plush puppet tux + Midnight Crew poster.

Dave: Combine plush puppet tux + Felt poster.

Dave: Combine smuppet and Felt poster.

Dave: Combine dead things in amber && smuppet.

Dave: Combine dead things in amber || smuppet.

Dave: Combine fetus in a jar and Mr. T puppet.

==>

May 14 2010 3741

Dave copies and reads Rose’s notebooks, then marks his place with the juice-stained betas and pesters Rose to find out why she is burning the original.

Dave: Combine camera and captchalogue card.

Dave: Take photo of self.

Dave: Combine fetus in a jar and self portrait photo.

Dave: Captcharoid the hologram of your own brain.

Dave: Combine brain and SBaHJ drawing and captcharoid camera

Dave: Try it out.

==>

Dave: Make copies of Rose's journals.

Dave: Take a look.

Dave: Read it.

==>

Dave: Read Complacency of the Learned.

==>

Dave: Go get a bookmark.

==>

Dave: Check on Rose.

Dave: Pester.

May 16 2010 3758

Davesprite asks Rose what she remembers from the doomed offshoot.

The Draconian Dignitary steals the notebooks. In another offshoot, Dave rewinds time to intercept him. The Dignitary slays that Dave and absconds, leaving the body for main Dave to find.

Davesprite: Also pester.

==>

==>

Dave: Chill with Davesprite.

==>

Dave: Go back in time and stop the thief.

Dave: Throw yourself out the window.

May 19 2010 3765

Using a terminal calibrated by recent visitors to the cloning meteor, John appearifies paradox ghost imprints of Nanna, Grandpa, Bro, and Mom, creating their paradox clones.

Mutie recombines the imprints, cloning their offspring.

Eight babies are born on the cloning pad.

John: Press a button on the control panel.

John: Examine monitor.

John: Zoom in.

==>

==>

John: Press blue button.

==>

==>

John: => SWITCH 4

John: Zoom in.

==>

John: Press blue button.

John: => SWITCH 3

John: Zoom in.

==>

John: Press blue button.

John: => SWITCH 2

John: Zoom in.

==>

==>

==>

John: Press blue button.

==>

John: There's one more button to push.

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==>

May 20 2010 3791

John levels up to Ectobiolobabysitter.

John: Scale echeladder.

==>

==>

==>

May 21 2010 3795

Grandpa ferries Mom and Dad to Skaia on a space boat.

Karkat trolls John, revealing the paradox clone babies are John, Rose, Dave, Jade, Nanna, Mom, Bro, and Grandpa’s own past selves.

Navigating the veil nearby...

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==>

CG: Troll John.

May 22 2010 3804

The babies attach themselves to various objects around the lab. Karkat trolls John about how they get to Earth.

John: Tend to little pink monkeys.

==>

==>

John: Get trolled by CG again.

==>

May 23 2010 3809

The Regulator discovers a Mystic Meteor in the Veil. Inside he finds an empty lotus time capsule and a console monitoring the Sassacre family. On screen, Baby Grandpa arrives by meteor and shoots the old Colonel with a flintlock pistol.

AR?: Shred.

==>

AR?: Go in.

AR?: Go down.

AR?: Search premises.

AR?: Examine equipment.

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

AR?: Fast forward.

May 24 2010 3823

The Draconian Dignitary arrives with the notebooks and tosses the juice-stained betas into the lotus seed.

Karkat trolls John about Jack Noir.

==>

==>

==>

==>

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==>

John: Get trolled by CG in sane and linear manner.

==>

May 26 2010 3831

Cinematic 36: CON AIR TRIBUTE.

Curtains.

Psyche.

[S] John: Reunite with your loving wife and daughter.

END OF ACT 4

==>

May 27 2010 3834

Terezi trolls Dave about cool kid blood.

==>

Dave: Get trolled by GC.

May 30 2010 3836

Tavros trolls Jade about naps. Kanaya trolls Rose about roleplay choices. Terezi trolls Dave about exploring his land.

Jade: Get trolled by AT.

==>

Rose: Get trolled by GA.

Dave: Keep getting trolled by GC.

May 31 2010 3840

Cinematic 37: SOVEREIGN SLAUGHTER.

The crow sprite pecks Dave off the antenna tower. Bro slices the meteor in half. Dave lands on Bro’s rocket board. The egg cracks, ushering Dave into the Medium.

Mom and Dad approach Skaia.

Jack, the Sovereign Slayer, massacres the rebels, sparing only the Villein, and devastates the Battlefield with some super deadly red shit.

The babies and their chosen objects—baby John with Sassacre’s text, baby Rose with the original bunny, baby Dave with Maplehoof, baby Jade with the patched bunny, baby Nanna with the soiled hat, baby Mom with Mutie, baby Bro with Lil’ Cal, and baby Grandpa with a pair of pistols—are transportalized out of the ectobiology lab and onto eight neighbouring meteors.

The Droll fetches the white sceptre and Jack uses it to activate the Reckoning. Meteors from the Veil begin speeding toward Skaia.

In the Mystic Meteor, the Dignitary recombines Halley’s imprint with the MEOW code, producing Bec, whose green wrath horrifies the Regulator.

Jack hits Prospit with the red shit, severs Prospit’s chain, and flies to the Beat Mesa on LOHAC to duel Bro. Bro stabs the Mesa, partially cracking its surface.

The Squiddles entangle Skipper Plumbthroat in a big tanglebuddy ball.

Dream John, still asleep, plummets to the Battlefield amid the wreckage of Prospit’s moon. Dream Jade throws him to safety and perishes in the collision. Her dreambot explodes, blowing Earth Jade out of her house. Dream John wakes.

Skaia’s defence portals intercept the oncoming meteors, sending them to Earth.

Dave enters his first gate. Rose destroys hers.

A meteor looms over Jade’s island.

[S] Descend.

June 5 2010 3841

Curtains.

==>

June 6 2010 3842

Rose concludes her walkthrough.

==>

June 7 2010 3843

The Villein rends the effigy of Jack and later becomes the Vagabond.

Dream John finds Dream Jade’s body and takes the ring she wore.

Hours in the future...

the recent past is recalled...

==>

==>

==>

June 8 2010 3848

The Mistress slays the Brute, fulfills her bargain with Jack, delivers the green box to Dream John, and later becomes the Mendicant.

Hours in the future...

the recent past is recalled...

==>

==>

==>

==>

June 9 2010 3854

Dream John opens the package, finding letters from Jake and Jade and a robot bunny with legendary weapons. Jack’s intrusion snaps John out of his grief. With his bunnykind specibus, John wields the bunny, countering Jack’s threat.

The Regulator flees from Bec’s wrath and later becomes the Renegade.

==>

John!

==>

dear john,

==>

==>

==>

==>

==>

Hours in the future...

the recent past is recalled...

June 10 2010 3865

The Regulator finds John sleeping in the ectobiology asteroid just as the reckoning launches it at Skaia. He ties John to the rocket board and sends him away to safety.

Jack absconds. Grandpa lands the space boat and recovers and taxidermizes Dream Jade’s body. Mom and Dad disembark.

The White Queen sails through a defence portal and later becomes the Questant.

==>

==>

==>

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==>

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==>

Hours in the future...

and then years...

June 11 2010 3876

The Questant repairs the cracked egg station. At the Mendicant’s coronation, the Vagabond reveals the ring he has been safeguarding.

We find the fourth wall in the spooky old lab in Jade’s house, flanked by Grandpa’s trophies including the stuffed Jade and Halley.

Recap 2: THE REST OF ACT 4.

John visits Rose; John fools Kanaya; Rose visits Dave; the guardians meet; John follows; John discovers ectobiology; the Regulator scopes the Mystic Meteor; Rose communes with the Horrorterrors; Dave accepts Terezi’s help; Dave enters; the Droll tails the Mistress; the Battlefield is prototyped; the Kings wield sceptres; the Kings lose their sceptres; John monitors the guardians; John clones the guardians; John clones his friends; Skaia sacrifices Earth; the babies take companions; John dispenses bunnies; the Regulator watches the Sassacre-Crocker family; the Dignitary creates Bec; Mom and Dad reunite; Tavros reveals dreamer mortality; Dream Jade dies; Dream John wakes; Dreambot explodes; Bro cracks the Mesa; Rose perverts her quest; the Exiles recall their exile; Grandpa lands; the Mistress and Jack trade prizes; John opens the box; the bunny repels Jack; the Vagabond reveals the ring.

==>

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==>

Recap 2.