Main Page

the acts and pages of

HOMESTUCK

a guide for fans of
the web adventure

documented by

RAFE SALTMAN

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art and excerpts
from homestuck

  © 2009-2016  

ANDREW HUSSIE


Act 1

Act 2

Act 3

Int

Act 4

5–1

5–2

EOA5

6–1

6–2

6–3

6–4

6–5

6–6

Act 7


Part 1 log


Part 2 log


Part 3 log

Act 1 thumbnail

ACT 1

The Note Desolation Plays

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

first page 1901, April 13 2009 pages 247
last page 2147, June 7 2009 words in text 10 563
recap 3574, April 15 2010 words in media 2032
adventure map checkpoints

Page 1901  Page 1934 Page 1982 Page 2026 Page 2086 Page 2114

SYNOPSIS
john

Homestuck begins as the story of four friends who live far apart and have never met. We are introduced to these kids one by one, starting with John Egbert.

It is John’s thirteenth birthday, and he wants to play a game with his online friends. He has been waiting for the game to arrive in the mail for days. After fussing with a gift from his baking-crazed Dad and enduring the pesterings of his friends, John leaves his room to check the mailbox.

Seeing that Dad has already brought in the mail, John confronts him in the kitchen. They have a messy battle with hammers and cakes and pies. John ends the strife with a distraction and makes off with his mail.

There are two parcels addressed to himself. The first, a gift from his friend Dave, contains the plush bunny prop from the set of Con Air. The second contains the beta release of the computer game Sburb. John and his friend Rose are eager to play Sburb and find out what it is about.

Two other parcels for John remain out of reach, locked in Dad’s car.

sburb

John starts a game of Sburb with Rose.

As John’s server player, Rose assumes control of his environment. Experimenting with the controls on her end, Rose discovers that she can extend John’s house, move furniture around, and place machinery that supports a kind of alchemy based on punch cards.

The alchemy equipment emits a confusing ball of light called the Kernelsprite. The sprite is “prototyped” when it absorbs John’s maimed harlequin doll and takes on the appearance of a one-eyed, one-armed jester.

The mission to alchemize their first item becomes urgent when John discovers a meteor is about to hit his house. After a series of frustrations brought on by Rose’s spotty internet connection, they succeed in creating a tree that bears a blue apple. John has only enough time to take a bite of the apple before the meteor strikes the Earth and makes a crater where his house stood a moment before.

ACT 1 BY DATE POSTED
datepagescenes and eventsadventure log
April 13 2009 1901

ACT 1.

Who is this young man?

John Egbert examines his room.

Homestuck

Enter name.

Try again.

Examine room.

John: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer.

Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST.

John: Quickly retrieve arms from MAGIC CHEST.

John: Examine contents of chest.

John: Captchalogue smoke pellets.

John: Equip fake arms.

John: Examine Problem Sleuth Poster.

John: Read note on drawer.

John: Take poster.

John: Acquire hammer and nails. They will come in handy.

John: Take nails.

John: Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk.

April 14 2009 1917

John puts up his new Little Monsters poster.

John: Combine the nails and hammer.

John: Use hammer/nails on poster.

John: Nail poster to wall.

John: Examine Con Air poster.

John: Examine Deep Impact poster.

John: Examine calendar.

John: Eat cake.

April 15 2009 1924

Dave pesters John about loot and apple juice.

John: Examine incoming message.

John: Open Pesterchum.

John: Open message.

John: Look out window.

John: Examine mailbox.

John: Go outside and check mailbox.

John: Forget it. Check mail later.

April 16 2009 1931

Pseudogame 1: COMPUTER GAMES.

Dave pesters John about data structures.

John selects the hammerkind specibus.

John: Examine games on CD rack.

John: Read COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT.

John: Captchalogue fake arms again.

John: Set Pesterchum status to "bully".

John: Answer chum.

John: Combine fake arms with cake.

John: Allocate hammer to strife specibus.

John: Select "HAMMER".

John: Report progress to TG.

April 17 2009 1940

John acquires Sassacre’s Daunting Text and reads Game Bro.

John: Captchalogue Colonel's big book.

John: Examine GameBro Magazine.

John: Read article.

John: Captchalogue GameBro.

April 18 2009 1944

John makes a mess in the living room.

John: Captchalogue magician's hat.

John: Get funny glasses too.

John: Wear disguise to fool dad.

John: Leave room.

John: Go downstairs.

John: Admire harlequins.

John: Examine fireplace.

John: Toss GameBro into fire.

John: Fondly regard cremation.

John: Topple urn.

John: Combine father's pipe with clever disguise.

John: Examine oversized gift.

John: Open large present.

April 19 2009 1957

John attaches fake arms to his gift harlequin.

Rose pesters him about Sburb.

John: Captchalogue ashes.

John: Combine ashes with urn.

John: Put urn back.

John: Go get fake arms again.

John: Examine 3rd and 4th walls of room.

John: Check Pesterchum.

John: Check message.

John: Go back downstairs.

John: Attach arms to doll.

April 20 2009 1966

John cleans up.

John: Inspect burnt paper on the floor.

John: Throw present wrap in fire.

John: Captchalogue doll.

John: Read Colonel Sassacre's text.

John: Find dad and retrieve mail.

April 21 2009 1971

John examines the study.

Cinematic 1: PIANO REFRAIN.

John: Go in the study.

John: Examine father's desk.

John: Upgrade costume with hat from hat rack.

John: Combine second pipe with clever disguise.

John: Examine captchalogue card.

John: Captchalogue captchalogue card.

[S] John: Play haunting piano refrain.

April 22 2009 1978

John makes a mess in the study.

John: Play 52 Pick-Up.

John: Attempt to leave the house.

April 23 2009 1980

John checks the mailbox too late; his dad already has the mail.

John: Exit.

John: Check mail.

April 24 2009 1982

Cinematic 2: HOMESTUCK.

The doll loses an arm.

[S] ==>

==>

John: Leave a surprise for the mailman.

John: See if your father left the mail in the car.

John: Spy in the kitchen.

John: Go back into the kitchen.

April 27 2009 1988

Cinematic 3: DAD’S DOMAIN.

[S] John: Enter.

==>

April 28 2009 1990

Pseudogame 2: STRIFE WITH DAD.

[S] STRIFE!

April 29 2009 1991

Dad lavishes John with baked goods.

John: Retrieve the package and flee to your room!

John: Equip disguise for defense.

John: Captachalogue pie tin.

==>

John: Take the cake!

==>

April 30 2009 1997

John makes his getaway.

John: Abscond.

John: Take PDA.

John: Take package.

John: Take envelope.

John: Exit kitchen.

May 1 2009 2002

John smushes his whole Sylladex into one big cake.

John: Get cake on couch.

John: Combine the cakes to make a double decker cake.

May 2 2009 2004

John makes a mess in the bathroom.

John: Retreat upstairs!

John: Go to bathroom and grab a towel.

John: Remove PDA, envelope and package from cake.

John: Retrieve your items.

John: Go to bedroom.

May 3 2009 2009

Dave pesters John about terrible movie stars.

John: Admire "Failure to Launch" poster.

[S] John: Check Pesterchum.

May 4 2009 2011

John checks MSPA’s Midnight Crew adventure.

John: Open browser and go to mspaintadventures.com

==>

May 5 2009 2013

John installs Sburb and finds a Queue Modus.

John: Install the Sburb beta.

==>

John: Bone up on data structures.

John: Read Data Structures book.

John: Get free Fetch Modus.

John: Apply Fetch Modus to Sylladex.

May 6 2009 2019

John makes a mess in his room.

John: Switch back to Stack Modus.

John: Put down razor.

John: Pick up two items.

John: Get other cake.

John: Get more stuff.

John: Might as well grab those cuffs.

==>

May 7 2009 2026

John makes a mess in the street.

John: Open up that package!

John: Get razor.

John: Pick up package again.

John: Captchalogue glass shards.

==>

May 8 2009 2031

John opens Dave’s gift. It is the plush bunny from Con Air.

John: Use the razor on the red package.

==>

John: Check status of Sburb beta.

May 9 2009 2034

Rose pesters John to play Sburb with her.

Cinematic 4: SBURB.

John: Look at monitor.

John: Check Pesterchum window.

John: Press [ENTER]

[S] ==>

May 12 2009 2038

Silent film 1: ZOOM OUT.

Rose makes a mess on the roof.

John finds the Stack Modus.

==>

TT: Select magic chest.

TT: Zoom out.

TT: Drop chest.

John: Get the card.

==>

TT: Select stuff in yard and move it back into room.

TT: Select John.

TT: Select bunny.

TT: Put the bunny back in the box.

May 14 2009 2048

Rose deploys the Totem Lathe.

TT: Revise room.

==>

TT: Open Phernalia Registry.

TT: Deploy Totem Lathe.

John: Examine Totem Lathe.

TT: Open Grist Cache

==>

John: Stand in corner.

May 15 2009 2056

Rose deploys the Cruxtruder and Alchemiter.

TT: Deploy Cruxtruder.

TT: Deploy Alchemiter.

John: Get PDA.

John: Install Pesterchum.

John: Go out to balcony.

John: Examine Alchemiter in a cautious manner.

May 16 2009 2062

Rose uproots the toilet.

John: Look through telescope.

TT: Grab the soiled toilet.

==>

John: Investigate.

May 17 2009 2066

Jade’s dreambot pesters John.

Rose royally screws the bathroom.

John: Hop down the hole.

John: Get sledgehammer and card.

==>

John: Answer chum.

John: Might as well check out the Cruxtruder.

==>

May 18 2009 2072

Rose makes a mess in the hallway.

John: Examine wheel on the Cruxtruder.

TT: Put bathtub in driveway.

John: Scold TT.

John: Hit Cruxtruder with sledgehammer.

May 19 2009 2076

Silent film 2: THE LID COMES OFF.

Rose and John pop the Cruxtruder open, releasing a kernelsprite.

John maims the harlequin doll.

TT: Pick up sledgehammer.

==>

==>

John: Turn wheel again.

John: Get cruxite.

TT: Deploy Pre-punched Card.

John: Get card.

John: Captchalogue fanciful harlequins.

==>

May 20 2009 2085

Rose drops the doll into the sprite.

TT: Drop maimed harlequin into Kernelsprite.

May 21 2009 2086

Cinematic 5: HARLEQUIN SPRITE.

John and Rose test the Alchemiter.

[S] ==>

==>

John: Use pre-punched card with the alchemiter.

TT: Explore Atheneum.

John: Captchalogue telescope.

John: Put cruxite on weird pattern on alchemiter.

==>

==>

May 22 2009 2094

John spots a meteorite bearing down on his house.

John: Switch modus and use telescope to inspect sky.

==>

==>

==>

John: High-five Kernelsprite.

May 23 2009 2099

Dad returns from the store.

Dave pesters John about flighty broads and space rocks.

John: Attempt to ingest a unit of build grist.

==>

TT: Revise bathroom.

==>

John: Run to your room and contact TT through Pesterchum.

John: Answer chums.

May 25 2009 2105

After perpetrating the Perfect Crime, Rose disconnects again.

John tests the Totem Lathe.

John: Use pre-punched card on totem lathe.

John: Take cruxite to totem lathe.

==>

==>

John: Use cruxite dowel on totem lathe.

John: Activate lathe.

==>

==>

==>

May 26 2009 2114

Who is this young lady?

==>

May 28 2009 2115

Rose Lalonde examines her room.

Cinematic 6: VIOLIN REFRAIN.

Enter name.

One more time.

Examine room.

Rose: Retrieve arms from the purple box.

Rose: Writhe like a flagellum and puke on your bed.

Rose: Stroke writing journal and mutter, 'My precious...'

Rose: Get violin.

[S] Rose: Play a haunting refrain on the violin.

May 30 2009 2123

Rose considers her next move.

John: Tell Liv Tyler you love her before impact.

Rose: Captchalogue knitting supply bag.

Rose: Look out window.

Rose: Get laptop.

May 31 2009 2127

Rose takes the Grimoire.

Rose: Examine book on desk.

Rose: Take book.

June 1 2009 2129

Rose sneaks around the house.

Rose: Go explore the house.

Rose: Tiptoe to observatory.

==>

Rose: Sneak by.

==>

June 2 2009 2134

Rose hurries up to the observatory.

Rose: Go through door.

Rose: Hurry up to that observatory.

June 3 2009 2136

Rose makes a mess in the observatory.

Rose: Try to connect!

June 4 2009 2137

Rose reconnects.

Rose: See what you can observe.

Rose: Stack laptop on Grimoire to maximize elevation.

Rose: Access laboratory wifi network.

==>

Rose: Remove door from hinges.

June 5 2009 2142

Rose clears the way to the Alchemiter.

Rose: Put bathtub back.

John: Take totem to alchemiter.

Rose: Remove blocks.

==>

June 7 2009 2146

Cinematic 7: THE METEOR.

Curtains.

[S] John: Take bite of apple.

END OF ACT 1