Act 5 Act 1.

What is this forgotten planet, and who is this young troll?

ACT 5 ==>

Enter name.

Try again.

Hivebent

Enter name.

Try again.

Karkat Vantas examines his block.

Karkat: Examine slimy purple pod.

Karkat: Get in.

Karkat: Examine movie posters.

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Karkat: Captchalogue sickle.

Karkat: Take card vault.

Karkat: Examine large black book.

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Karkat: Leave your room.

Karkat takes in the view outside. Gamzee trolls him about mIrAcLeS.

Karkat: Examine neighborhood.

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Karkat: Go back inside.

Karkat: Check out magazine.

Karkat: Check out DVD.

Karkat: Get down to business on computer.

Karkat: Answer troll.

Who is this motherfucker?

Gamzee Makara examines his block and braves the seaside, hoping to see his lusus.

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Enter name.

Gamzee: Captchalogue bottle of Faygo.

Gamzee: Captchalogue computer.

Gamzee: Ride one wheel device.

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Gamzee: Sample delicious pie cooling on the counter.

Gamzee: Take a juggling club.

Gamzee: Go outside.

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Gamzee: Retrieve husktop.

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Terezi asks Gamzee to play gamezez. Sollux asks Karkat too.

Who is this strange and funny girl?

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Gamzee: Answer troll.

Karkat: Get some programming done.

Karkat: Check out one of his files.

Karkat: Answer troll.

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Enter name.

Terezi Pyrope plays Courtblock Drama.

Terezi: Cut to the chase and begin LARPing immediately.

Terezi: Interrogate.

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Terezi: Slap him around a bit.

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Terezi: Call a witness.

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It’s another triumph for justice.

Terezi: Sentence the criminal.

Terezi: Flip.

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Terezi: Adjourn.

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Terezi asks Nepeta to play on Red Team.

Terezi: Go get cane.

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Terezi: Begin recruiting red team members.

Terezi: Troll AC.

Terezi: Troll TC.

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Karkat assumes leadership and enters the Land of Pulse and Haze.

Aradia desecrates some blue ruins.

Terezi: Deal with Karkat.

A little later...

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Karkat: Deal with Terezi.

A little while ago...

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Eridan finds Gamzee’s pop.

The troll life cycle is explained. Crabdad gives Karkat grief.

A little later...

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And later still...

Karkat: Deal with crabby customer.

[S???] ======>

Who is this cool and moody dude?

Sollux Captor trashes his beehouse mainframe.

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Yeah.

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Enter name.

Sollux: Equip throwing stars to strife specibus.

Sollux: Fling stars specibus-ward.

Sollux trolls Terezi about his twofold doom.

Sollux: Taste honey.

Sollux: Calm those bees down.

Sollux: Get to work at computer.

Sollux: Recruit team leader.

Aradia trolls Sollux about spooky conundrums. Sollux tries to call off the game.

Karkat curses himself and his friends. Crabdad and the Old Goat die.

Sollux ponders the virus.

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Sollux: Deal with apocalypseArisen.

Sollux: Abort.

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Sollux: Lament.

Sollux: Delete.

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Biclopsdad grumbles about Aradia.

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Kanaya poses for a teaser in the sunlight. She lives next to some red ruins.

Be the other girl.

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Who is this dude in his four wheel device?

Tavros Nitram plays Fiduspawn.

Stop being the other girl.

Enter name.

Tavros: Cut to the chase and play card games immediately.

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Tavros commands the animals.

Tavros: Command faithful steed.

Tavros: Horsaroni: Spawntech -> Slumberbuddies.

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Tavros: Roll up your ramp.

Tavros: Hop in.

Tavros yearns for adventure. Later on, he is given a robotic prosthesis. Vriska fucks with him. Gamzee raps with him.

Tavros: Take lance.

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Tavros: Admire posters.

Way in the future...

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And way back again...

Tavros: Deal with AG.

Tavros: Rap with TC.

A meteor strikes and kills Terezi’s hatchling dragon lusus.

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Who is this spooky lady?

Aradia Megido retreives her Crosbytop.

Be the other other girl.

Render the girl in a more symbolic manner.

Enter name.

Aradia: Retrieve computer.

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Kanaya asks Aradia to reconsider. Aradia leaves the blue ruins and haunts Sollux’s hive stem. Vriska fucks with her.

Aradia: Humor GA.

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Aradia: Check on Sollux.

Aradia: Go up.

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Aradia: Get bugged by AG.

Be the mysterious spider girl.

Aradia puts Sollux to sleep, awakening his Prospit dreamself. Later, he wakes under the influence of mind honey and kills Biclopsdad with his eye beams.

Sollux: Get back to Aradia.

Sollux: Look out window.

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Much later...

Sollux: Wake up.

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Who is this silly cat girl?

Nepeta Leijon caresses the doomed Pounce de Leon.

Karkat checks on her.

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Enter name.

Nepeta: Retrieve claws from arms.

Nepeta: Scratch lusus behind ears.

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Nepeta: Examine computer.

Nepeta: Answer Karkat.

Equius presses Nepeta into Blue Team.

She breaks the news to Tavros.

Nepeta: Consult with friend on the matter.

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Nepeta: Give Tavros the bad news.

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Perigees prior: Tavros plays Flarp. Vriska fucks with him. He takes a fall and becomes paraplegic.

Some time ago...

Tavros: Contact fellow Team Charge member.

Tavros: Hatch campaign.

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Tavros: Go outside and begin adventure.

A little later...

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Vriska fucks with Karkat.

Equius and Feferi pose for teasers.

Back in the present...

Karkat: Be the other asshole.

HURRY

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Aradia connects with Nepeta, prototypes the frog head from the blue ruins, enters the Land of Quartz and Melody, and prototypes herself.

Aradia: Go home.

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Aradia: Begin session.

Aradia: Connect to server player.

Aradia: Tier 1 prototype.

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Aradia: Enter.

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Aradia: Tier 2 prototype.

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Aradia explains things to Nepeta.

Who is this huge bitch?

Nepeta: Interrogate frog girl.

Aradia: Be the huge bitch.

Enter name.

Vriska Serket examines her block.

Vriska: Check out cool drawing on wall.

Vriska: Proceed to computer.

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Vriska: Take dice.

Doc Scratch gloats at Vriska. Kanaya asks after Spidermom.

Vriska: Begin meddling.

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Vriska: Deal with this guy.

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Vriska: Endure meddling.

Vriska: Check on lusus.

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Who is this creepy neighbour?

Equius Zahhak examines his block.

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Enter name.

Equius: Check on lusus.

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Equius: Thank Aurthour.

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Equius: Drink lusus milk.

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Equius: Equiup a bow.

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Equius submits to Gamzee, repays Vriska’s intrusion with a robo slap, and examines his Aradia soulbot.

Equius: Answer.

Equius: Talk to friend/enemy.

Vriska: Be in cahoots with Equius. Cahoooooooots.

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Equius: Go check on Aradia's present.

Equius: Remove tarp.

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Equius breaks the catenative cascader, crushing Spidermom under a rockfall. Aurthour falls to his death.

Vriska fucks with Terezi.

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Moments earlier...

Vriska: Meddle with Terezi.

And much earlier than that...

Perigees earlier: Aradia and Doc Scratch fuck with Vriska. Vriska fucks with Sollux and Aradia.

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Aradia: Make her pay.

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Vriska: Answer white text guy.

Vriska: Make her pay.

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We fail to be Doc Scratch.

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Be the white text guy.

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Terezi fucks with Doc Scratch and Vriska.

Vriska loses an eye and arm to her exploding magic cue ball.

Perigees later: Vriska euthanizes the mortally wounded Spidermom. Equius’s hive plummets toward her and enters the medium in mid-fall.

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Terezi: Orchestrate demise of the wicked.

Terezi: Contact partner in crime.

Vriska: Consult little advantage.

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Terezi: Inform Mr. Vanilla Milkshake about his missing orb.

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In the aftermath of more recent misfortune...

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Vriska: Roll.

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Vriska gripes at Aradia.

Vriska: What's her deal????????

Equius passes through the Land of Caves and Silence.

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Equius: Let her know the deal.

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Equius: Proceed to second gate.

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Equius joins Aradia and gives her the soulbot. Aradia flips the fuck out at his presumption.

Equius: Enter.

Equius: Deliver present.

Aradiasprite: Enter soulbot.

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Nepeta updates her shipping wall.

Karkat welcomes Vriska into Red Team and Operation Regisurp.

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Nepeta: Update wall.

Karkat: Recruit Vriska.

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Earlier: the Jack Noir of the troll session finds Karkat and draws his mutant blood.

Be Jack a few minutes ago...

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Jack: Look at knife.

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Later: acting on Jack’s intel, Red Team snipes the Black Queen’s ring.

Doc Scratch hires the newly exiled sovereign.

Karkat: Be in cahoots with Jack.

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Red team: Execute Operation Regisurp.

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Red and Blue Teams were playing the same session all along.

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Who is this sunny lady?

Kanaya Maryam examines her block.

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And pages and pages and pages.

Enter name.

Kanaya: Equip chainsaw.

Kanaya: Fine, equip that then.

Kanaya: Apply.

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Feferi glubs at Kanaya.

Momgrubmom dies.

Kanaya: Answer CC.

Kanaya: Check on lusus.

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Kanaya extracts and captchalogues the Matriorb and tastes Momgrubmom’s blood.

Kanaya: Go downstairs.

Kanaya: Operate.

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Kanaya: Captchalogue that thing.

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Kanaya: Just a taste.

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Kanaya: Meddle with moirail.

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Eridan solicits Kanaya ashenly.

She reads Rose’s walkthrough.

Kanaya: Answer CA.

Kanaya: Return to room.

Kanaya: Consult source.

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Tavros enters the Land of Sand and Zephyr.

Vriska fucks with him.

Tavros: Enter.

And in time...

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Kanaya puts the kibosh on Vriska’s self-indulgent stairs nonsense.

Tavros: Summon Rufio.

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Vriska: Wheeeeeeee!

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Kanaya: Mediate.

Vriska sends Tavros her pshoooes code. He alchemizes a rocket chair and sets off to explore his land.

Vriska: Scurry downstairs.

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Vriska: Take them.

Vriska: Go back up.

Vriska: Get code.

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Vriska: Send code.

Tavros: Alchemize.

Tavros: Fly, Pupa!!!!!!!!

And again, in time...

Tavros: Lead fearsome entourage into ruins.

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Vriska sends Tavros through his second gate. He crashes into her hive in the Land of Maps and Treasure.

Tavros: Confer with teammate.

Tavros: Look at map.

Tavros: Point cherry vehicle toward X on map.

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Vriska: Wake up.

Failing to seduce Tavros with Pupa Pan roleplay, Vriska falls back on mind control and then gives up.

Vriska: Help Pupa find shadow.

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Vriska: Apply special stardust.

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Vriska: Make Pupa have happy thoughts.

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Vriska breaks Kanaya’s heart.

Kanaya: Deal with your own crisis.

Kanaya: Return to serving client.

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Troll concupiscent romance is explained.

Try to understand.

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Examine flushed quadrant.

Examine caliginous quadrant.

Troll reproduction, conciliatory romance, and volatility are explained.

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Examine ashen quadrant.

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Examine pale quadrant.

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Later: Karkat tries to expose John to troll romance.

Who is this awesome guy?

Wait! More troll romance exposition please.

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Attempt 2x transition combo.

Enter name.

Eridan Ampora goes whaling.

Who is this adorable girl?

Eridan: Do something awesome.

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Enter name.

Feferi Peixes feeds Gl’bgolyb.

Feferi: Do something adorable.

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Eridan examines his block.

Feferi: Go home.

Eridan: Go home.

Eridan: Examine block.

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Feferi examines her block.

They ride the sea ponies.

Feferi: Examine block.

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Eridan and Feferi: Do something ridiculous.

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Vriska breaks Eridan’s spade.

Eridan: Bother Feferi.

Eridan: Go get a beverage.

Eridan: Check fridge.

Eridan: Open it.

Feferi: Go get a beverage.

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Feferi: Disarm.

Eridan: Disarm.

Eridan: Bother Vriska.

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Feferi quiets Gl’bgolyb’s terrible voice with the custodians of the vanquished.

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Feferi enters the Land of Dew and Glass and breaks Eridan’s diamond.

Some time later...

Feferi: Report to Eridan.

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Karkat joins Gamzee in the Land of Tents and Mirth.

Sollux, dying in the Vast Glub, enters the Land of Brains and Fire.

Gamzee comforts Eridan.

Feferi: Proceed to gate.

Karkat: Check on Sollux.

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Gamzee: Indulge emotional theatrics.

Eridan: Slam a Faygo.

Eridan: BLUH!

Feferi awakens Sollux’s Derse dreamself.

We watch the author of Homestuck watch Spades Slick watch his past self watch Karkat watch Feferi kiss Sollux.

We enter the Land of Stumps and Dismay.

And later still...

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Karkat: BLUH!

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MSPA: Quick, become more meta while AH is brooding.

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The mounted Gmork head scares Hussie shitless. Instead of recapping Homestuck, he repeats the troll romance essay verbatim.

Slick returns us to the action.

AH: Ok, ha ha, get back to the story jackass.

Uh... Wolf?

This is ridiculous.

Oh my god.

Wow.

Alright, now you’re DEFINITELY trolling us. Come on.

AH: Recap, then?

AH: Reel it in.

SS: Move this along.

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SS: Type '====', then ==>

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Clubs Deuce’s inane greeting gives Sollux a fit.

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BOY.

YOU THERE. RED AND BLUE EYE BOY.

I REMEMBER THIS!

IT WILL ONLY BE A MOMENT.

TROLL ETIQUETTE SURE IS CONFUSING.

Sollux leaves Derse and meets Feferi in his land.

Vriska and Tavros go treasure hunting.

OH JEEZ.

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Sollux: Blast off.

Sollux: Get back to adventurin'.

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Vriska: Get back to adventurin'.

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Karkat leaves Terezi in the Land of Thought and Flow.

Snowman, giving up on Vriska, enlists Terezi to make Jack into a Scurrilous Straggler.

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8th exile: Type "=> SWITCH 2".

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Seer.

It is time.

Terezi: Retrieve chalk.

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Terezi: Inquire.

To begin your mission.

You must eliminate the archagent.

Nepeta enters the Land of Little Cubes and Tea.

Nepeta: Surely you must be adventurin' by now.

Nepeta: Aggress.

After Aradia leaves Equius, he joins Nepeta in her land.

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Equius: Get up and commence the adventurin'.

Equius: Answer Karkat.

Karkat begins a cranky, rambling Trollian transtimeline bulletin board. Chumps from different times deride the effort and use it to air their girl troubles.

Snowman addresses Terezi.

Equius: Read first memo.

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Karkat: Begin another memo.

Hearts Boxcars’s tactless harangue gives Tavros a fit.

Snowman addresses Vriska and Terezi again.

HEY RUNT

I SAID GET YER ASS UP AND GO KISS THE GIRL YOU PIPSQUEAK

YOU KISS THAT GIRL THIS INSTANT

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Thief.

You will need to be strong.

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Snowman: Continue briefing.

Find the ring before he does.

And then,

Kanaya enters the Land of Rays and Frogs.

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Centuries ago...

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Kanaya and Karkat chat.

Kanaya: Reply to memo.

Kanaya: Scroll up.

Terezi psswooops with Dragonsprite.

Terezi: Fly up.

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Terezi and Karkat chat.

Terezi: Respond.

Terezi: Get closer look.

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Terezi crosses Jack.

[S... BAHJ] Terezi: Ascend.

Cinematic 38: Revenge.

Perigees prior: wounded in the magic cue ball explosion, Vriska manipulates Tavros and the unborn dragon to blind Terezi.

The trolls explore their lands. Eridan duels Sollux. Soulbot Aradia assaults Vriska. Dream Vriska wakes.

[S] Make her pay.

Diamonds Droog and Soulbot Aradia skip to the end.

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DD: Move this along.

Skip to the end.

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That's what I like to hear.

Soulbot Aradia arrives from thousands of doomed timelines.

Aradia: Skip to the end.

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The trolls defeat the Black King and are presented with a portal to the ultimate reward.

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An omnipotent foe appears, destroying the portal.

The trolls hole up in a meteor lab in the veil, banished from the universe they left behind…

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…and barred from the universe they created.

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Curtains.

END OF ACT 5 ACT 1